Looking Back
by The Civee
Summary: One-shot. Margaret can't leave Milton without telling her feelings to John Thorton.


"Look back at me," he pleas to Margaret as the carriage pulls away. He knows she cannot hear him, but he wishes somehow for the strength of his emotion to reach her.

"Stop the carriage!" Margaret shouts.

She runs back to him, her feet shuffling on the cobblestone conveying her urgency. She nearly ran into his arms but halts herself abruptly.

"I know it is not ladylike, but I must not go without," she stops herself, "I cannot go without saying it," She quivers with fear at sharing her revelation.

She has to say it. But the consequences. What would he think of her? He will reject her. But, she needs him to know.

Thorton suddenly feels hot on the cold afternoon.

"Mr. Thorton," she is beginning in the wrong place. Grief has her thoughts all over the place. "The train station. I can't have you thinking..."

"Miss Hale, please do not trouble yourself-"

"He was my brother, Frederic. He came to see my mother. He is in trouble with the law and to tell you would compromise your role as magistrate. I can't have you thinking otherwise you see because…"

The scene from the train station that night flashes in his mind's eye as he begins to understand.

"Miss Hale, I am sorry I assumed otherwise-"

"I need you to know that here in this courtyard when I foolishly thought I could keep you from harm I did not know….you awoke in me something I did not know. I now believe it to be love. I know it is love. I love you. I beg your understanding because I cannot leave town with you thinking ill of me even though I may deserve it."

"I cannot renew my offer…"

"I am not asking for a renewal."

At last he steps forward to place a hand upon her arm to convey a private matter, "my circumstances have changed. Very soon I shall likely lose the mill." It is the first time he even admits the news to himself.

Her eyes widen. She knows how hard the loss of the mill would be to the Master who prides himself on his work. Yet, all she feels is rejection. He will not have her.

"I cannot allow this" Aunt Shaw's booming voice came from the carriage. She places her feet upon the ground the instant she sees touching.

"You do not love me."

"Of course I love you. I fear I am not in a position to provide a comfortable-"

"John Thorton," Margaret Hale says in admonishing voice that even stops the approaching Aunt Shaw. It is the first time she uses his Christian name. Of all the times he had dreamt of her speaking it, he never imagined it would be in such anger. "Do you still think me weak? Haughty? Fragile from my Southern ways?"

Before him is a woman who lost both parents and still stands on her feet defiant and extolling her love. No, he does not think she is weak. She is the strongest creature he ever knew.

"Miss Hale, I am speaking of how I am unworthy. I know I shall be worthy again. If you can wait-"

"Do you not know I would gladly live in poverty with you by my side than endure a life without-"

Finally he kisses her. Selfish as it may be, he cannot let her go. He needs her. He wants to assure her of his love. At last she is silenced.

"My word!" shouts Mrs. Shaw hoping to interrupt them.

"Time," he says. "You must allow me time before I can be certain I can provide for you as a wife and for our children."

"You intend to marry me?"

"If you will have me."

"Then we are engaged."

He laughs.

"Margaret, this is most inappropriate" Mrs. Shaw interjects. "A lady does not-"

"Miss Hale, before you rejected my proposal as most distasteful and now you are insisting upon it."

She turns serious, "I cannot leave town and know I will never see you."

"Yes, it is settled. I am yours." He takes her gloved hand. He finds it strange to be reassuring her of all he had doubted. She loves him. Only him.

"Every part of me hates to see you leave Margaret. But I think you should return with your aunt."

"At last you are speaking some sense," Mrs Shaw declares.

"You are grieving and you need to be taken care of," he says with tenderness.

Margaret nods in agreement. "I can part only if I know we will be reunited."

"We will and then we shall begin our life together."


End file.
